Right here’s a set of my #LinkedInLit posts about IGCSE English as a Second Language. These are my newest ELT funnies, following on from TEFL Sniglets, Supplies Writing Conversations and Crusader of Supplies Writing
The story of Bob and the BlackBerry
October 15, 2002. Bob, an ELT instructor and part-time check specification author for publishers, reprimands a pupil.
‘You recognize the foundations. No BlackBerrys in school! Put that away please.’
‘Sorry,’ says the coed, ‘I used to be simply emailing a buddy a couple of college journey I went on not too long ago. I used to be together with the place I went, why, who with, and what I learnt. I’ll cease instantly…’
‘Wait!’ replies Bob, ‘undergo that content material standards once more…’
What occurred subsequent?
– The ‘write an electronic mail to a buddy’ process has appeared in over 40,000 completely different English language check papers on the time of writing.
– Bob was recommended for the authenticity of his work again in 2002. He grew to become a extremely sought-after check author, finally changing into Head of Evaluation for SurprisinglyFutureProofELT
– Bob’s well-known classroom interplay continues to be talked about typically in check writing circles. One international ELT writer even shares ‘The Story of Bob and the BlackBerry’ with new members of the examination workforce, reminding them that inspiration for check objects can come from wherever, even from precise learners…
– Bob’s pupil has by no means acquired any royalties for his or her half in creating one among ELT’s most well-known writing check duties. Nevertheless, the BlackBerry used to partially create a mannequin reply for the duty was auctioned at an ELT Freelancers Away Day again in 2020.
Pseudo-clefts
It’s late 2015. Bob, an skilled #ELT editor, rocks the language evaluation world together with his edits for a 2016 IGCSE ESL listening examination (Might/June sequence).
Whereas modifying ‘an interview with a younger architect referred to as Daniel Rhodes’, Bob reads the next chunk of textual content about Rhodes’ alternative of college diploma:
‘I used to be eager on languages after I was at college, and was captivated by artwork. Nevertheless, what actually me was historical past…’
Bob may immediately envisage the accompanying MCQ. It was the pseudo-cleft sentence, proper now talked about in a cleft sentence for emphasis, which irked him. He edited Rhodes’ feedback to omit the clear signposting and add extra problem for check takers.
What occurred subsequent?
– A well known examination physique acquired over 18,000 complaints from lecturers and learners relating to the Might/June 2016 examination paper. The uproar relating to Half 7 having no solutions in anyway that had been signposted by pseudo-cleft sentences despatched shockwaves by the ELT evaluation world.
– Take a look at merchandise writers went on strike, demanding the appropriate to maintain producing formulaic and predictable chunks of textual content and accompanying check objects. Examination our bodies had been compelled to compromise, and permit writers to signpost as much as 3 out of the 8 right solutions in Half 7 of the examination with pseudo-cleft sentences
– One entrepreneurial check merchandise author made 150 kilos from the sale of ‘Pseudo-clefts FTW’ badges on the IATEFL Birmingham 2016.
– In a 2023 interview with Evaluation Periodically, Bob formally apologized for his editorial selections, citing ‘a need to simply… make some solutions rather less manifestly apparent’ as his causes.
– Bob was nominated for an ELTon for international improvements in 2016.
Pinkie
Bob, an skilled IGCSE ESL instructor, breathes a sigh of aid. That’s fifteen observe ‘emails to a buddy’ marked – one to go.
He opens the ultimate train ebook on his desk, clutches his ‘inexperienced for development’ marking pen, and begins studying.
Seconds later, the pen falls from his hand. His temples swell. His eyes bulge. He clutches his chest, hyperventilating.
No.
It…
It could actually’t be…
*Expensive buddy*, the e-mail begins, *I belief you’re within the pink of well being.*
Bob froze.
He knew that the majority of his college students had been having tutoring for IGCSE ESL outdoors college hours – that was nothing new. However… this response. With its trademark lack of real viewers, then its virtually Dickensian lead-in. It may solely imply one factor.
Pinkie, the tutor whose recommendation you spend two phrases undoing, was again.
‘When was the final time?’ Bob muttered to the train ebook on the desk, ‘Thailand? 2020, I consider?’
‘Welcome again,’ he sneered, ‘… buddy.’
Nice out of doors sounds
It’s 2023. Colin, an IGCSE ESL check author, is authoring Talking Half 3 questions for the official June examination papers. His subject is ‘your native atmosphere’.
Colin is writing from his eighth ground long-term rental room at Ngoc Hue guesthouse in Saigon. He’s struggling to focus over the depressed whirr of an electrical noticed from the close by constructing website. A avenue canine begins an argument with the noticed. A child on a sixth ground balcony begins crying. A tone-deaf dad sings a lullaby. The site visitors lights down beneath change, and 40 motorbikes velocity off all of sudden.
Colin remembers the recommendation he learn in Supplies Writing for the Simply Distracted: ‘search inspiration from the world round you – nonetheless mundane’. Colin pens Half 3, Query 1, for Evaluation E:
*Some out of doors sounds are extra nice to take heed to than others. Do you agree?*
What occurred subsequent?
Colin Collins gained the 2024 Take a look at Author’s Award for Most Random Query in an IGCSE examination.
After the June 2024 paper, the exams physique introduced that Colin’s query beat the report for inducing probably the most quantity of bemused sniggers from check candidates. Colin himself held the earlier report together with his query ‘Do you assume buzzing ought to turn out to be an Olympic sport? Why? Why not?’
In November 2024, a video of an IGCSE ESL mock examination between a instructor and pupil went viral. Angered by *that sounds query*, the coed within the video responds ‘Six months preparation! I believed I’d heard every little thing. Nice out of doors sounds? Actually?!’
The phrase ‘nice out of doors sounds?’, typically shortened to POS, has turn out to be textchat slang amongst Gen Alpha in response to any curveball query.
I don’t know both!
‘And right here’s the ultimate warm-up query,’ mentioned Bob Wells as he administered the IGCSE ESL talking examination, ‘What would you love to do if you end college?’
‘End college?’ replied the candidate, ‘most likely simply play some Nintendo Change, or… Oh, wait. Do you imply after I *end* *end* college?’
‘Sure, if you end college…’ reiterated Bob.
‘Okay, so by *end* you imply, like, graduate or one thing?’ requested the candidate, sounding confused.
‘I imply… Yeah why not. It might be both’ mumbled Bob.
‘Both what?’
‘Like, both actually *if you end college at the moment*, or, like, your future plans when you end your research’.
‘Okay, so which ought to I’m going with?!’ challenged the candidate.
Bob paused the recording. He addressed the candidate.
‘Simply neglect it,’ he mentioned sternly, ‘this a part of the check is *not* assessed. Say one thing. Something. Brush it off, then we transfer on to Half 1’
‘Brush it off?!’ blurted a visibly indignant candidate, ‘I believed these heat up questions had been designed to place me AT EASE! Why didn’t you simply give me a straight reply, Mr Wells?’
‘BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW EITHER, OKAY?!’ sobbed Bob in despair, ‘I JUST, DIDN’T, KNOW. WHAT DID THEY WANT US TO SAY?!’ He frantically rocked in his chair.
‘It’s okay, Mr Wells,’ mentioned the candidate reassuringly, ‘Let’s simply go once more. Brush it off. It’s Half 1 subsequent – acquainted, on a regular basis subjects. Simply begin the recording once more. We’ve acquired this.’
English for Birding Functions
‘We’re sorry, Invoice. The migratory patterns of bar-tailed godwits simply wasn’t obscure sufficient’
It had been 22 years since Invoice, an #IGCSE #ESL check author, wrote his first check. A eager ornithologist in his free time, Invoice determined to name upon his birding information to assemble a textual content on the distinction between a Tree Sparrow and a Dunnock. It was well-received. Editors praised Invoice for his potential to create texts with the precise boredom-factor degree wanted.
2003-2019 had been the glory years. Invoice managed to twitch-write his approach to practically twenty years of pay packets. Virtually each examination he wrote included no less than one feather-filled textual content. The decline of Hoopoes in Burma/Myanmar, uncommon sightings of a Shiny Ibis in Hampshire, ‘The dance of Fantails’… His work was lapped up (learn ‘lapwinged up’) by publishers, and was the bane of candidates’ existence. Then got here 2020.
Throughout Covid, IGCSE ESL lecturers had been working out of Netflix exhibits to observe. To move time, one instructor took to a web based discussion board encouraging others to analyse the subjects showing in ESL examination papers and seek for patterns. This revealed the extent to which ornithology had turn out to be rooted as an examination theme. That’s when the coaching began.
IGCSE ESL lecturers all over the place started coaching their college students in English for Birding Functions, to be able to assist them predict the content material of upcoming exams. Unaware, Invoice couldn’t keep one step forward. The 2022 paper revealed a report variety of full marks on a query relating to the mating rituals of the pheasants. For Invoice, the ‘sport’ was up.
The stress on Invoice to search out increasingly obscure birding content material killed his ardour for passerines. It additionally value him his job of 20 years. He does take coronary heart from the actual fact, nonetheless, that his information of bar-tailed godwits is probably going to assist him in future pub quizzes.
RegretAI
‘Right here goes every little thing’ mentioned Bob, as his finger tapped the left-mouse button with conviction.
As an #IGCSE #ESL writing check marker, Bob knew he’d at all times be in work. ‘Hold these dear-friend emails coming. I’ll bat them proper again with a minus for register and viewers’, he’d say.
However yr on yr, the calls for had been growing. A whole bunch of exams to mark grew to become 1000’s, grew to become tens of 1000’s, and Bob discovered himself beginning to make -ed and -ing adjective errors in on a regular basis life simply by sheer osmosis.
One thing needed to give.
That supplier was AI.
Bob tentatively fed one check into Remorse AI, after a tip off from a buddy. He uploaded the rubric, and requested the device to supply a remaining mark and suggestions. It wasn’t half correct. Properly, sure, it was half-accurate – and a few.
So it started. Each time Bob acquired a bit drained, he’d ’Remorse it’. Quickly, the time had come. Bob’s tiredness had turn out to be laziness, and Remorse was taking up.
Bob toyed with the concept of letting Remorse AI undergo a complete batch of exams from Zone 5. He wrestled together with his conscience for no less than 10 minutes, then thought-about his checking account. He was about to dwell to Remorse it, however couldn’t be persuaded in any other case.
‘If it’s this good, it’s taking up anyway,’ he reasoned. And within the click on of a button, his 14 years of marking expertise left his bodily kind in the hunt for a vessel with extra integrity.
Thanks for studying!
Picture by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Classes: Common, reflections